It was laundry day—on its own, not a particularly challenging day. In fact, I find washing clothes with my hands relaxing. It’s almost… therapeutic.
After a couple of hours of being done, however, the water stopped. Now, this isn’t new. It happens not very often, but often enough for me to know never to let go of my water reserves.
There’s a simple choice that faces me at this moment: fret or trust. Today, I declared prayed: “Dear Lord, I choose to trust you. I trust that you know my needs, even the smallest unspoken desire. You have kept me this far. I trust that you will provide my needs. I need water for cooking, washing, cleaning, bathing, flushing the toilet… You know this. I trust that you will provide,
And as I was praying this, I saw my heart. Funny (not really) how I can claim to trust God now, and yet other things have weighed down my heart with anxiety, bitterness, even despair.
So God brought to mind those things. Would I entrust them to Him?
I will trust You – for the school, the teachers and the children that I have grown to love. I will trust you for the heartbreak they are bound to bring (because heartbreak happens when you love). I will trust you to provide for us, to protect us and keep us, to guide us for the coming year, Because this is your ministry, not mine.
I will trust You – as a single missionary (You even know all of the intricacies of that kind of life!), I will look to you for provision for my emotional, physical and spiritual needs. I will look to you for protection in any place that may not be safe for women, or Christians, or whatever else minority I belong. I will refuse to compromise my faith for a life that may seem better on the outside, but will be dead on the inside.
I will trust You – for relationships: the strong ones that have lasted years, the ones that have been destroyed by slander and malice, the ones that have been parted by long distance, the ones that are just developing and the ones that are yet to come. I am no expert on relationships. I tend to run away. But you know exactly who I need at every stage in life (even the difficult ones are there for my good and your glory).
I will trust You – for the sins and failures of the past year. There are too many to count. When I weigh them against Your many kindnesses, oh, how the scale tips! If I were to look at myself, I would not go on. So I look to You. I trust that You will sanctify me with Your Spirit and sustain me by Your grace,
I will trust You – for the unknown future. Change is inevitable. Life is always moving. I see so many variables, so many uncertainties, so many fearful giants. The life I have chosen is one of following You, a crucified Saviour. Honestly, I didn’t really know what I was signing up for, but You have always been faithful to comfort, encourage and strengthen me for every day.
I will trust You – to bring my mind back when it begins to stray from this resolution. I know my weakness. I cannot keep this resolution because I am prone to worry. I am prone to doubt. I am prone to unbelief. I trust You to correct me, rebuke me, and then redirect my thoughts to Your throne. You are King of all creation. Nothing is too difficult for you.
I will trust You – With this aging body: With everything that has begun to weaken and all that will eventually fail, even if it is my very breath.
I will trust You – When it is all over, I trust you to bring me home, and “make me stand in Your presence, blameless and with great joy!” I trust that You have prepared a place for me there, and when I see You face to face, I will sing Your praises all the more. Because You are worthy of all my trust. You are Faithful.