Green peas will never look the same again. That’s what they looked like, the stones that came out of and with my swollen and infected gall bladder on the day of operation.
Funny how those few words could probably never mean the same to you as they do to me. Like everything God uses to speak to us and sanctify us, it is deeply personal.
I’m sitting in bed, in a bit of pain after surgery. For this and other reasons I can’t put into writing, I feel that God has set me aside. I feel like he has closed everything to me except Himself, which, of course is a good thing, even though it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.
For the past few months, I’ve been asking God for direction, laying before him open doors and opportunities—good ones, to my own limited understanding. I declared my trust in him and my willingness to wait. I waited, even when he slowly said “no” one by one to the open doors, even when people kept asking, “What next?” It’s a normal question, but potentially stressful when you’re the one waiting and you haven’t received your answer.
A few hours before surgery, I prayed, “If You would take my life on that operating table, Lord, all would be well. I am ready.” Apparently, God didn’t want to take me home, he wanted me to continue living this life to his glory.
Here was my answer:
1 Cor. 6:19-20 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
Acts 20:24 But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.
Along with that surgery, I needed heart surgery, a change of heart that only God can give. After the doctors explained how close I was to suffering great pain or death, I understood. I have work to do, and I must take better care of this borrowed vessel if I am to do it well. All the working out, and the attempts to eat well, they were never for vanity. They are only truly to allow me to finish well the task God has put before me.
With my track record this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. Trusting God today for all that I need for the next step. And that next step will come in his time, for his glory (just in case you were tempted to ask).
Let both physical and spiritual surgeries have their desired effect on me, O Lord.
“Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38